


anything it takes to make you stay

by starrytae



Series: this feels like falling in love [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27276427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrytae/pseuds/starrytae
Summary: “Yes, I love you, but for fuck’s sake I don’t love this side of you. This isn’t what we’re supposed to be, this isn't what I want.”And all at once, the world stops spinning and he stops breathing and he can’t seem to remember how to start.(or, Mark and Donghyuck have their first fight)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: this feels like falling in love [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890880
Comments: 25
Kudos: 502





	anything it takes to make you stay

**Author's Note:**

> basically this takes place about 6 months after the events of you run my mind boy. they have their first fight, which is a big fight, and I guess you need to read to find out the rest :) 
> 
> can be read as a standalone but i'd read you run my mind boy first if you're interested and haven't checked it out before because this one will definitely spoil things! 
> 
> (title pulled from Blue by Troye Sivan)

“Out of all the people in your class, she’s the one in your group project?” Donghyuck knows he’s being childish, but he can’t help it. Mark just sighs as they shrug off their backpacks, sitting them against the couch. Jaemin wouldn’t be home for the night, finding solace in Jeno and Mark’s empty apartment, and Donghyuck was looking forward to spending quality time with his boyfriend until Mark had dropped the bomb on him that Mina, Taeyong, and him were paired up for an economics project. 

“Taeyong is with us too. I swear, we’re fine. She knows I’m a taken man now and she respects that.” Mark says, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck and pulling him in close against his body. Donghyuck immediately relaxes from the warmth of Mark’s body against his, the familiar smell of Mark’s fabric softener overtaking his senses and calming him down. His body sags against Mark, arms coming up to wrap around the other’s waist as he buries his face in Mark’s chest and feels Mark press a kiss to the top of his head, lips pressing softly against his hair.

“You can’t blame me for being just a little worried,” his words come out muffled against the fabric. “The whole campus saw your dick at one point, half the campus is trying to snatch my man.” He pulls away, aiming a pout up at Mark and he watches as his boyfriend’s eyes practically melt, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he rolls his eyes.

“Well lucky for you, I’m a _loyal_ man. Look on the bright side, if that video never got leaked, we never would have ended up together.” And well, Mark has him there. That was the beginning of them, so he really can’t be mad about it. He presses up on his toes, leaning in and pressing his lips softly against Mark’s cheek in a gentle kiss. 

“I guess you’re right. I’ve got my eye on her though,” he warns half-heartedly. Mark laughs at his words and Donghyuck feels his heart lurch as he leans back to find that Mark is already looking at him fondly. 

“I wouldn’t expect any less.” 

* * *

“Baby come on, I swear there’s nothing going on.” Mark says, throwing his hands up as the door closes behind him. Donghyuck could tell Mark was getting frustrated with the silent treatment he had given him on the way home from their date, but he couldn’t help the alarms ringing in his head, his heart racing in his chest, and his mind jumping to the worst case scenarios. 

“Look, I know I’m being petty but this is the girl that was after you for so long. What am I supposed to think, especially after _that_.”

( _That_ being when he and Mark were grabbing a late dinner at a nearby sushi restaurant and Mina had strolled up to the two of them out of nowhere to spark conversation. Donghyuck could be civil—friendly, even—but when she had thrown her head back in a laugh at a bad joke Mark had made and hit him in the chest, he’d felt his skin begin to crawl. And if that wasn’t enough, her hand lingered a little too long and she trailed from his chest to his arm, shamelessly squeezing his muscles and asking if he’d been hitting the gym more.

Yeah, Donghyuck was a little mad to say the least.)

“Okay, I know she’s still into me. Anyone with eyes can see that. But you need to trust me that there’s nothing going on between us.”

“Has she flirted with you like that before?” Donghyuck can’t help the way he crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for Mark to reply. And even though Mark stays silent, eyes trained on the floor, his eyes say more than enough. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, it wasn’t like that! I swear we’ve never met without Taeyong there but she has been a little… obvious? She just says shit sometimes and even though I’ve made it clear that I’m with you and I keep drawing boundaries, she just keeps crossing the line. You can even ask Taeyong.”

“I shouldn’t have to ask Taeyong,” he counters, leaning back against the kitchen counter and trying not to let his anger get the best of him. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know how to bring it up. I knew you were already worried about the group project and I didn’t want to make you more worried for no reason.”

“No reason?” Donghyuck asks, looking at Mark like he has three heads. “Mark, she _squeezed your muscles._ She felt you up right in front of me and you’re telling me I have no reason to be worried?!”

“No, because I choose you, Donghyuck,” Mark is getting mad, Donghyuck can tell in the way he’s frowning, the crease between his eyebrows, the sharp edge to his words and the way his arms start moving about along with his words. “I’ve always chosen you, why isn’t that enough?”

“It is enough, but she’s pretty, popular, and we _both_ know she’s just fine in bed.” Donghyuck knows those are the wrong words to say the second they leave his mouth, but it’s too late. The damage is done and he sees the way Mark _really_ gets mad then, arms crossing over his chest, and he feels dread run through his body. 

“Jesus Christ, that has nothing to do with this. Do you really think I would cheat on you? You really think I would look for someone else, that I don’t love you enough to stay faithful or loyal?” 

“I know you love me, but—” before the rest of his sentence, “I still get insecure sometimes” can slip out, Mark lets out a groan of frustration and cuts him off.

“Yes, I love you, but for fuck’s sake I don’t love this side of you. This isn’t what we’re supposed to be, this isn't what I want.”

And all at once, the world stops spinning and he stops breathing and he can’t seem to remember how to start. He can't tell if his hands are shaking or if he's standing still because it feels like everything around him and inside of him is crumbling apart. Mark's lips keep moving, his voice still raised and his hands thrown every which way but Donghyuck’s head feels like he’s been dunked underwater and it all registers as static. 

“And now you’re putting up a wall, great.” The world comes back to him, and he hears frustration tinting every syllable of Mark’s words. “That's just what we need right now, Donghyuck.” 

He has never felt his veins freeze up or his heart stop, not really until this moment. The way Mark said his name, no ounce of love or affection to be found, was _cold_ and _hard_ , all jagged edges and sharp points. 

And Mark is staring at him, waiting for him to say something—anything—but it suddenly feels like he's 500 miles away and it's still not enough distance. In reality, they're only 5 feet apart and the real problem here is that Donghyuck's heart lays between them, broken and smashed on the floor. 

“I think I should go” and before he can change his mind,, Donghyuck is walking out the door and slamming it shut as Mark yells his name after him.

* * *

He doesn’t speak to Mark after that night. It happened on a Saturday, so that gives him at least one day to hide away without raising suspicion. Still, the world _didn’t_ stop turning that night, no matter how much it feels like it did, and when Monday comes he drags himself out of bed and goes to each class, avoiding every one of his friends like a plague. 

He skips dinner in the cafeteria and settles for ramen in his dorm room. He avoids the coffee stand in the business building that he knows Johnny and Jaehyun go to at least twice a day. He takes the long way to his biology lecture because he _always_ passes Chenle on the way and he’d rather not see any of their friends for fear of them asking questions that Donghyuck isn’t ready to answer yet. 

It’s not until Jaemin corners him 3 days into his isolation that Donghyuck tells anybody about what happened.

“The boys asked about you. Mark too. They want to know where you’ve been the past few days.” Donghyuck is surprised, if he’s being honest. He was expecting Mark to have spilled the truth by now, an inevitable and ugly end where friends pick sides and their little family rifts apart, but from the worried look on Jaemin’s face, he’s pretty sure they’ve all been left in the dark. “Can you tell me what’s going on? Mark says he doesn’t know what’s going on either, so I have a feeling it’s _bad_ and I don’t want you to go through something like that alone.”

Jaemin has always been there for Donghyuck. From the day they met, he’s always been there to help pick up the pieces, to help carry the burden, to bring a little laughter and life when Donghyuck was feeling down and dark. And Donghyuck knows they can’t keep this charade up forever, so he gathers the little bit of courage he can scrounge up and says the truth with a low, quiet voice. 

“I think Mark and I broke up.”

“Yeah ok, and Ten is straight. Nice try.”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, his eyes trailing around the room to focus on anything except Jaemin because he can feel the sting of tears burning the back of his eyes, can feel the lump he’s been swallowing down start to form in his throat, and he’s afraid once he starts crying he’ll never stop.

“Holy fuck you’re not joking.” It’s the way Jaemin says it—shocked and sad—that has Donghyuck finally letting go of the walls he’d been building up.

A broken noise tears it’s way from his throat as he buries his head in hands, pressing his palms against his eyes in an effort to stop the tears, and he feels jaemin’s arms around him in the next second, pulling him against a strong chest. Jaemin holds him together while he falls apart and neither of them have words to help. But having someone else here for him, supporting him in every sense of the word, helps him cut off the heartache and eventually the tears ebb and the crying stops and they’re left with nothing but time.

He tells Jaemin everything that happened with Mark, beginning (the group project), middle (the incident at the sushi restaurant), and end (the fight in the kitchen afterwards). 

Once he tells Jaemin everything, he sees the fire in his best friend's eyes ignite. “He can’t just say things like that! When you love someone, you love every side of them. You love the good and the bad, the selfish and the selfless. Sure, you were jealous and may have been a little snappy about it, but he interpreted it the wrong way. Even so, your fears or insecurities were valid. They weren’t distrust in _him,_ you distrusted _her_ and he couldn’t see why? I swear the next time I see him, I’m going to-“

“Please don’t say anything, Jaem. Not to Mark and not to the others. I just… I’m still not sure what's going on between us but the last thing I want is all you guys involved. We knew it was a risk when we got together and it should come from us. I don’t want this to affect our friendship and honestly I just… need some time to figure out the next step.”

Jaemin stays quiet, contemplating his options, but in the end his shoulders relax and he sighs, nodding along as he leans back. “If that’s what you want, you got it. What is the next step, anyway?” Donghyuck thinks about it and the reality—the truth—isn’t something he wants to acknowledge yet so he swallows it down and forces out a lie. 

“I have no idea.”

* * *

He knows he’s the one that’s been avoiding Mark and ignoring the problem. He knows he brought them to this situation, he’s the one antagonizing a situation and drawing out the inevitable, but Mark is the catalyst. He started it all when he said those words and Donghyuck is just trying to put off the inevitable outcome. 

It’s not until Mark texts him at 8:38 on a Thursday night, a simple “ _we need to talk”_ before he finally forces himself to face the truth. He’s with Jaemin and Jisung, holed out in their apartment. They had been having a mini study party, but once Donghyuck sees those words he can’t stop the tears from welling up in his eyes. Jaemin notices the way he goes quiet and he doesn’t hesitate to push himself off the couch onto the floor where Donghyuck is sitting, taking him into his arms as a broken cry wrenches its way out, shoulders shaking and soft cries breaking from his lips one by one. 

Jisung watches from the couch, concern and confusion etched on his features as Jaemin holds him in his arms and rubs his back, trying to offer a little bit of comfort to balance out the heartache. 

“Hyuck, he’s not worth your tears baby,” Jaemin cooes in his ear, rubbing a hand on his back, the other one carding through his hair. 

“He’s always been worth them Jaemin.” The words come out muffled against Jaemin’s shoulder, but he knows Jaemin understood by the way his arms tighten around him. 

“What’s going on-?” Jisung asks, crouching down to where Donghyuck is sat on the floor with Jaemin's arms wrapped around him. Jisung places a cautious hand on his shoulder, trying to offer some relief despite not knowing why he’s trying to comfort. 

"Mark and him broke up. Maybe, they're still figuring it out but it's... it's not good." Donghyuck pulls away from Jaemin as he speaks, sniffling and blinking back the tears, trying to compose himself a bit. Jisung looks shocked, eyes wide and mouth open just a bit, but Donghyuck has never been more grateful as Jisung sits in silence and just squeezes his shoulder that much harder. He's not sure anything the younger could say would help and the silent support means so much more. 

"I just don't want to lose my best friend." His voice is rough from the crying, but he trudges on, looking up at his two friends. “He’s always been by my side, you know? I just don’t know what I’m going to do if that’s not an option anymore.” 

“I know it’s not the same, but we’ll always be by your side. And we’ll help figure it out together, yeah?” Jaemin says, moving his hand to grab Donghyuck’s in his and squeezing it gently. “Now let’s take a break from studying and watch a movie and eat some ice cream.” Donghyuck lets out a watery laugh as he nods, and even though Jaemin’s right and it’s not the same, it’s comforting to know he’ll always have someone in his corner. 

Still, when Jaemin goes to grab the ice cream and Jisung starts browsing through Netflix for Donghyuck’s favorite movie, he shoots Mark back a quick _‘does tomorrow night work?’_

* * *

The walk to Mark’s apartment the next night is unpleasant at best. It’s particularly chilly with dark storm clouds that loom overhead, a promise of rain not far off. Still, he makes his way the 6 blocks or so to Mark’s apartment, his heart sinking with every step. It’s not until he’s facing the door, room number staring back at him, that he swallows the lump in his throat. He knocks once, twice, and is going in for a third when the door swings open, almost as if Mark had been standing there, waiting for him. 

And he didn’t realize just how long it’s been since he’s seen Mark. He looks rough, dark circles under his eyes and his hair slightly greasy but he’s still so handsome like this. He’s still beautiful and it breaks Donghyuck just a little more. 

“Hi.” His voice is small, soft, and he watches something flicker across Mark’s face but it’s gone just as fast. 

“Hey.” 

Things have never been so tense or awkward between them, and Donghyuck doesn’t know how to fix it as he stands in the doorway. “Oh, uh, come in.” He steps back and lets Donghyuck into the apartment, closing the door behind him. From the silence in the dorm, Donghyuck assumes Mark at least had the foresight to make sure his roommates were gone for their talk. He appreciates that. 

“So you wanted to talk?” He asks, leaning back against the kitchen counter and it’s all too reminiscent of the night they fought that he can’t help but walk away, feet wandering to the living room instead. 

“Yeah, I just… I’m not really sure what’s going on right now?” Mark trails after him, voice echoing off the hallway. “Like, you’ve been avoiding me all week and I know we ended things on a bad note—a really bad note and I’m sorry about that—but it’s not cool that you just went radio silent on me.”

They finally make it to the living room and Donghyuck stops short when he sees that The Lion King is paused on the TV. He feels guilt swirl in his stomach as his eyes take in the movie in front of him because that’s Mark’s comfort movie and he hates knowing he contributed to it. But then he remembers the words that were hurled his way and the guilt settles, at least a little, and he steels himself for his next words as he turns to Mark again.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t cool. I was just trying to sort myself out before we did this.”

“Did what?”

Donghyuck can’t help the scoff he lets out, his eyes coming up from where they’ve been trained on the floor to see Mark feigning confusion. “Don’t act like you don’t know, Mark. You’re the one who asked to talk.”

“Yeah, because you ran out without so much as a goodbye.” Mark is getting loud, tone slipping into one of frustration and agitation, and although Donghyuck doesn’t blame him, it scares him—flashes of that night popping up in his mind. “I know we haven’t really fought before, but why’d you walk out like that?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, we were just talking one second and the next you’re running out the door and I don’t hear from you for days.” 

“I just wanted to give you space.” It’s a lie and they both know it.

“I didn’t ask for space, though, Hyuck. I was trying to work things out between us but I can’t do it alone. A relationship is a two-way street. We were talking about it and sure, we were fighting, but you just walked out on us. How are we going to fix our problems if we don’t talk about them and if you’re just running away from them, running away from me?”

“But I thought you were done with this. With us. What’s there to fix when you already gave up, when you ran away first?” Donghyuck can’t help that he’s upset and it’s affecting his words, but they’re true. Mark gave up first, not him. 

“Whoa, what? What are you talking about?”

“I thought… I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” His voice cracks halfway through and he feels so small, so vulnerable, that he can’t help but wrap his arms around himself in some form of comfort and protection. But he stands his ground and looks Mark in the eye, as painful as it is, because if he’s going to walk away from this relationship he’s going to do so with the closure he deserves. 

But Mark is the one that looks heartbroken, and if it's possible Donghyuck’s heart breaks just a little bit more at that. “What? Hyuck, how could you even say that?”

“Because you told me!” He’s angry now and the red hot waves mixing with the overwhelming blue create this ugly, reeling feeling inside him. “You told me you didn’t love that part of me.” The anger is gone as quick as it came, and he feels more empty than before. “You told me this isn’t what we’re supposed to be, but I refuse to change who I am no matter how much you mean to me, so I thought if this isn’t what we’re supposed to be then… Mark, you told me you don't want this. You told me you didn’t want me.”

Before Donghyuck can even continue talking, Mark is closing the space between them and tugging him against his chest. “I’m so sorry.” Mark murmurs, arms wrapping around Donghyuck, hand coming up and cradling the back of his head and holding him even closer. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. I could never not love you, Hyuck.” 

And with that, all the fear and stress and anxiety and overwhelming sadness that had been brewing for days overflowed and Donghyuck couldn’t help it as an ugly sob escaped into the crook of Mark's neck and the familiar sting in his eyes returns as tears start falling. 

Mark doesn’t say anything the whole time. He just keeps holding him close, stroking the hair on the back of his head and waiting. He lets Donghyuck cry and he’s not sure how many minutes pass like that, but it’s what Donghyuck needs. Mark has always been a steady presence in his life and the past few days had been harder than anything. He finds comfort in the warm embrace, in the soft hums that Mark makes in the back of his throat, in the familiar scent of fabric softener.

Mark pulls away and Donghyuck is surprised to find a stray tear on his cheek. He reaches up to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb and Mark lets out a watery sigh, a quick exhale of breath as he closes his eyes and leans into the touch, reaching up and placing his hand over Donghyuck’s, holding it in place. He leans his forehead against Donghyuck’s as he speaks and Donghyuck feels his heart leap into his throat at the closeness and intimacy that he’s been deprived of for the past week. 

“Hyuck, I’m so in love with you that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to exist without you, as bad as that might sound. There’s never been a part of me that doesn’t love you. And I’m sorry for what I said. There was no excuse for me to say it, it doesn’t matter how heated things got, and I know I need to make it up to you—to prove it to you—but please Hyuck. You gotta believe me when I say that I am so fucking head over heels in love with you and there’s nothing in this world that’s ever going to change that. But This? Us? I’m never giving up. Ok?”

It takes Donghyuck’s breath away, how honest Mark is and how perfectly he can sum up everything Donghyuck feels in his own heart. 

“Really?” Mark huffs out a laugh, just a small breath of laughter, but it makes Donghyuck feel better than he has in so long and he feels a smile form on his lips for the first time in days. 

“Really. Besides, did you not hear anything that I said after that part?” 

“I mean, it literally felt like the world stopped for a second, so not really, no." He manages to say it with a laugh and Mark just looks at him, confused for a second, before his features light up with both realization and sadness. 

“So you weren’t putting up a wall when we were talking, you were just…" 

"Processing immense heartbreak? Yeah, a little bit." He means it as a joke, really, but the way Mark's eyes deflate a bit and his shoulders sag sends another surge of guilt through his bones as Mark closes his eyes again and hangs his head. 

“I really am so sorry, Hyuck. I had no idea that’s how it came out and this is all my fault and I made you so upset and I—” 

This time Donghyuck is the one reaching out for Mark and pulling him in and holding him close, shushing him quietly and relishing in the way Mark’s body melts into his, the way he leans on his shoulder and leans his weight on him. 

“It’s ok, Mark. Really. It’s nobody’s fault, I can promise you that. Yeah, you maybe could have worded that better, but I think I know what you mean now. Besides, I’m the one who walked out, I’m the one that needs to listen more.” Mark opens his mouth to say something (probably to take more blame because it’s _Mark_ ), but Donghyuck cuts him off by leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

Mark responds immediately, kissing him back twice as hard and reaching a hand up to cradle his jaw, and it hits Donghyuck that this is the first time they’ve kissed in nearly a week and he sighs into the kiss before pulling away. 

“As much as we have a newfound appreciation for communication, I’ve gone too long without cuddling and I could _really_ use a night by your side.” Mark honest-to-God giggles and Donghyuck hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Mark until he had all of him, standing in front of him and holding him and kissing him.

“Honestly, I might die if you ever ghost me again,” Mark says with a fond smile as he tugs Donghyuck towards his room. “I really missed our afternoon nap dates together.” Donghyuck lets out a laugh—loud and full—and Mark turns back to look at him, eyes filled with nothing but love. Donghyuck feels his heart finally settle in his chest as Mark pulls him onto the bed, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. 

Later, when they’re laying in bed (legs tangled together, facing one another, Mark’s hands tracing mindless shapes on Donghyuck’s bare back and Donghyuck pressing his hands against any inch of skin he can find, just feeling Mark and remind himself that they’re ok now), Donghyuck asks what Mark had said that night. 

“I said that we’re supposed to be a team. We’re supposed to talk to one another and work with one another. Love is this really strong thing but so is trust, communication, and respect. I talked about how we were friends before and even though I’m happy with what we are now—more than happy, actually—we still need to work on it, you know? Because love isn’t all there is to it. Honestly, if love was all it took, I don’t think we ever would have fought in the first place.” 

Instead of replying Donghyuck just leans in, meeting Mark halfway in a soft kiss that says everything for him. And when Mark grabs his hips and rolls them over so Donghyuck’s weight is draped on top of him, both of them smiling into the kiss like love-struck teenagers, Donghyuck thinks maybe they’ll make it to the end after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)
> 
> this probably wasn’t too angsty and a little immature but hey! communication is important, talk to your friends, family, and loved ones :) 
> 
> [twitter ](https://twitter.com/sunflowerzens) |  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/starryskys)


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